I still remember the doctor looking at me over the top of her glasses. "What this means," she explained, "is that it is very probable you will never bear children." And something inside me just withered up and died right there. I stumbled through weeks, then months, and then years before I finally started breathing easy again. Through the gentle love of friends, and the incredible grace of God, I learned five important things about facing ... Read More about 5 Things to Remember When the Doctor Says You’ll Never be a Mom
Infertility & Miscarriage
Gilia. That’s the name I chose for the little one we lost, the baby who passed from my womb before we had announced her presence. It's Hebrew, pronounced Ghee-lee-yah, and means Eternal Joy. She was too small to know for sure her gender, but my husband said from the moment I showed him the second line on the test, “This one is another girl.” He had a perfect record on our other three, so following his lead, I decided ... Read More about You Brought Me So Much Joy, Little One (a story of miscarriage)
“Why would you let this happen?” “Don’t you care about me?” “Why didn’t you save my baby?” In the wake of miscarriage we’re pummeled with questions—questions about the biology of reproduction, about our bodies, about medical procedures which may be required, as well as questions about how to process grief, how to share the news with friends and family, how to know if what we’re feeling is normal, and many more. But perhaps the most ... Read More about Why have you forsaken me?
It was somewhere around my third anniversary that reality hit hard enough to make me gasp for breath. I really couldn’t have babies. Not without a miracle. I had so many dreams that involved motherhood and they all crumbled around me. I found myself standing there with dying dreams and agony ripping my heart to shreds. I spent a whole season of my life shoveling dirt over dead dreams. And I learned something new in that season: God does ... Read More about The God Who Breathes Life into Dry Bones
by Pam Vredevelt Miscarriage. Stillbirth. Infant death. They all rock your world. I'll never forget hearing these words from my doctor: "I'm not picking up a heartbeat, Pam. There doesn't appear to be any fetal movement. I think the baby is dead." In disbelief, my emotions began to run wild and unchecked. Engulfed in a jumble of scrambled thoughts I wanted desperately to hear the doctor say, "Wait a minute – I'm wrong. I've made ... Read More about Understanding Miscarriage and Infant Loss
by Ashleigh Slater Our fourth baby was due in late October. By the time this fall due date arrived, though, my husband Ted and I had already said goodbye to our preborn child, without ever saying hello first. It happened in my tenth week of pregnancy. After a Doppler failed to detect a heartbeat, an ultrasound was ordered. There, we were met with the black-and-white image of a tiny, yet fearfully and wonderfully made form, which measured ... Read More about 3 Truths for the Mom Who Has Had a Miscarriage
"And her offspring will crush the head of the serpent…" (Genesis 3:15) The opening three chapters of Genesis are known to most of us for their purpose in describing the origin of life, and establishing the character of God as creator. The depth of these few chapters; however, is as unending as God is eternal. Though a passage of prose, the poetic quality of the Hebrew reading of the Bereshit (beginning) is much more beautiful than we gather ... Read More about Mercy Womb
Yesterday, I sat in a dentist's waiting room, while the clock ticked two hours past my appointment time. It was packed: at least a dozen people sat waiting, watching TV with Hebrew subtitles, while the dentist punctuated the subdued murmur with repeated cries for his very busy secretary, and I tried not to watch the other video on the wall: the one with the gruesomely fascinating scenes of dental problems and their solutions. It was not at all ... Read More about Every Bitter Thing is Sweet
I will never forget the first sight of her itty bitty wiggly body, or hearing the sound of her dainty feminine cry! At long last, my baby was here! The doctor scooped her up and laid her on my chest. As we snuggled on our living room couch, skin-to-skin, full of tears, joy, relief, and thanksgiving, I remember greeting her with the only words I could say, "I love you so much!" Of course, that was my favorite moment of 2014, the ... Read More about He Gave Me Lydia
My father bought it for her after one of the hardest years of her life, when she was struggling with feeling rejected and unheard after years of service. The pearl ring was worn on her finger and she would whisper the story sometimes, if you caught her in the right mood. "There are many times in life when you're handed something that is harsh on every side. It scrapes and scratches. Just like a piece of sand in an oyster shell. But, as Christ ... Read More about a pearl of great price
Rain splatters on the windows. It is cold, but the air is warm. "Come look!" my daughter pulls at my arm, her brown eyes sparkling. There are new piggies in the barn. They hide from the camera and grunt happily as they munch on corn behind the water dish. We talk about names and I veto her idea to name them after friends and family. "It will sound a little funny in a few months, when we talk about sending them to the butcher," I explain and ... Read More about Why not now, Lord?
It was my third year of facing infertility when I suddenly realized that Mother's Day was coming and Oh, dear Lord, this might be an issue for me. I came upon the holiday with trepidation, wondering if this would be the year that I stopped being able to handle my lack of children. Yet, something in me rebelled at the thought of falling back into the pit of depression and fear that I had just managed to climb out of -- and ... Read More about Learning to Love Mother’s Day While Facing Infertility