When You and Your Husband Have Opposite Personalities


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No other test I took in college changed my life like the MBTI personality test. I was just chatting with a friend today about how we both first took the MBTI during our college years. We both found it so freeing to discover that we are wired this way. And that’s okay. Other people are, too.

Not my husband, though.

One of the first questions I asked my husband after we met was whether he’d taken the MBTI. I confess, I was curious if we might be the same personality. But nope. I am an INFJ. He is an ISTJ. When I learned that, I immediately started researching and reading whatever I could find not only about his personality, but how his personality functions with mine. What I discovered: we are definitely not the same.

Breaking Down the Different Personality Types… by Gender

So when I had the opportunity to read Personalities in Love by Donna Partow, I jumped at the chance. This seemed to be exactly the book I’d been waiting for.

I’ve been a personality-type junkie for years now. But if what I’ve said so far sounds like alphabet soup to you, never fear; this book presents the different personality types with more simplicity than the MBTI, the DISC, OCEAN, and the Enneagram (which I still haven’t figured out).

Instead of acronyms, Donna Partow gives detailed descriptions of each personality. What’s even better: she provides descriptions in both male and female forms.

Personality enhances marriage.

Marrying the Different Personality Types Together

My favorite part of Personalities in Love, by far, is the section in which Donna shows how each personality pairs with all the other personalities! The research and insight that go into this section is beyond interesting. I could not have been more fascinated by what I learned about how the different personality types interact.

Immediately, I mentally stored applications for how my then-boyfriend/now-husband and I relate to each other in terms of our personality types. Unexpected bonus: I even made mental notes of insights I could apply to my other relationships, with coworkers, friends, and family members.

Lest I make the book sound too clinical, let me assure you that throughout Personalities in Love, Donna’s conversational, funny writing style made this a fun read. No dry, boring textbook here. I felt more as if I were sitting on the front porch with a highly insightful neighbor who’s poured years of research and effort into boiling down personality differences…

And what those differences mean for modern marriages.

If you’re looking to learn more about your own personality, your man’s, and how your personalities fit together, Personalities in Love is a resource I highly recommend.

I especially appreciate Donna’s Biblical viewpoint of how, even though some personalities may clash more than others, personality is a marriage-enhancing element, not a marriage-murdering one. I’ll be reading this book again.

I’m so thankful that my husband is the man he is, just how God made him to be. I wouldn’t change him or his personality one iota, and I’m infinitely glad that we are not the same.

What about you? Are you or your spouse similar or opposite personalities?

Photography: JenniMarie Photography

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