It was a warm summer evening in North Port, Florida. Crickets were chirping and the air hummed with humidity. We sat on the edge of the pool; our feet dipped in the tepid waters.

“I made a list,” she said quietly.

“For?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

“Our husbands,” she pulled out a pink sheet of paper and handed it to me.

            Our Necessaries it said. Thirty things were listed. I loved them all.

From “knowledgeable about the Word of God” to “wants lots of little babies” the list gave the epitome of the type of man I wanted someday.

About the time that my roommate was getting married and I hadn’t even had a date, I started to begrudge the list. Just a little. I still wanted it. I just didn’t want to wait for it.

Then God did something crazy. He asked me to give up my rights. He told me, in essence, “If you give up your dreams for yourself, I’ll give you Mine.”

I thought He was asking me to be single forever. And here’s the catch: I was good with that. I really was! Then I realized that He was asking me to be single for a time. And that was harder.

I’m much better at sacrificing than surrendering. I’m better at walking away completely than standing still.

The years before my husband showed up were hard years of learning and growing. I wasn’t good at it.

God asked me to believe that my husband was coming while I couldn’t see anyone on the horizon. It was a lesson in surrender. One that my heart desperately needed.

You see, now, years later, I am leaning heavily on the lessons I learned during that period of time. There is an art in giving things over to God without throwing them away and I’m trying to perfect it.

My heart wants to be a mom and right now, for some reason, God is saying, “give me your dreams”, just like He did all those years ago. I can’t make my body produce children any more than I could make a husband appear, but I serve a God who is in control.

This trial is a lot harder than waiting for a husband. At least for me. But the lessons I’m learning are the same. God wants my heart. He wants to be the very center of who I am. He wants my life to reflect Him.

I never thought I would say this, but: I’m glad for the years I had to believe for a husband without seeing him.

I’m so thankful that God grew my faith.

And today, when I look at that list (still on the pink paper in a scrapbook) I am humbled and grateful.

Every morning I get to wake up and work with my husband on our farm because God was faithful.

So! To those of you who are struggling to believe for something that you can’t see—whether it be a husband, a child, a job, a friend—know that He is faithful to do what He promised. And the lessons you are learning today are here to help with your tomorrows.

19 Comments

  1. So much of what you’ve written from the heart has resonated so deeply with me beyond words. Thank you for being vulnerable and open in the hands of God, He has used you immeasurably to comfort me! X

  2. Wow. This is so beautiful. And mind-blowing, especially the difference between surrendering and sacrificing.

  3. RacheL H. says:

    “I’m better at walking away completely than standing still.”

    This really resonated with me. Thanks for encasing truth with beautiful words that spoke to my heart. These truths of sacrifice/surrender seem to apply to any area of life.

    God bless you today, Natasha. 🙂

  4. I burst into tears while reading this. But it’s so true and I am so glad to see that others have been and are where I’m at today.

  5. thanks for that encouragement.for those who wait on the Lord He shall renew their strength.
    through faith and patience we will obtained the promised.

  6. That was just like reading a page out of my journal, except FAR more eloquent! Thank you for writing about these things. I definitely struggle with the “sacrifice vs. surrender.” God wants ALL of us– even the areas we don’t think are important to Him.
    It’s good to know I’m not the only one struggling with knowing this time of singleness is only for a season, and either wanting to be single forever, or to just go ahead and get married… instead of waiting patiently and living for the glory of God each day. 🙂

  7. “I’m much better at sacrificing than surrendering.” This is exactly the way it is for me too. Thank you for putting into words what I know so well.

  8. What a beautiful post. I’m in the same spot right now. Been married for 5 1/2 wonderful years and still waiting for a baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  9. Wow, you wouldn’t believe how well time this post was for me! My friend (we are both freshmen in college) just got engaged TODAY! and I haven’t even gone on a date. The waiting is so hard. Thank you!

  10. Wow that was just what I needed today!I’m in the same spot,trying to trust God with everything.The problems and the joys I can see& the things that I can not see right now.
    Thank you for such wonderful testimonies you all post!

  11. Love. This. I just love when someone articulates my heart words more clearly and poetically than I can myself. I, too, would rather walk away than hold still…

  12. I can relate to this post on so many levels. I struggle with waiting and wanting; it would be so much easier to wait when we know the outcome. My husband and I waited four years before we were finally blessed with a child: I know that pain all too well.

  13. Amen sister! God knows and sees 🙂 keep gIving it to God, just dont throw it away 😉

  14. Thank you for this. My fiance died 6 months ago, and at times find it hard – especially at te begining to understand why God allowed me to become so prepared for marriage, and then to lose it all in an instant.
    But although I wouldn’t have chosen for David to have died, I am grateful that through this whole trial God has been drawing me closer to Himself.
    I would love to be married one day, but sometimes I struggle to believe that marriage really is in God’s plan for me – it is not that doubt that He can make it happen, rather, I don’t want to cling to the dream of marriage, but rather to learn to patiently seek Him first. Trusting, and waiting, whilst knowing that right now, however hard it can be, I am right were He wants me to be just now.

    1. Oh, Anna. I hurt for you! I’m so sorry for the pain you have gone through and so very thankful that you are clinging to Him.
      He is.
      Many, many blessings,
      Natasha

  15. You’ve captured my “all or nothing” tendencies so perfectly in this piece. Thank you for the encouragement for those of us who are still watching the horizon!

  16. Great post…reminder to wait on the Lord, even though I really don’t want too. God bless you.

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