Do You Pray for Him?
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“Once upon a time …” I love stories that start that way! And this is a true story:
A hundred years or more ago there lived a preacher called Charles. He was a young man, but he was blessed by God with great spiritual wisdom and granted the pastorate of a large church in London. Among his congregation was a young lady called Susannah whom Charles encouraged in her faith and baptised. They became friends and they were both invited to attend a social event. They sat together. Charles had a book with him and read out loud from Martin Tupper’s Proverbial Philosophy:
Seek a good wife of thy God, for she is the best gift of His providence; yet ask not in bold confidence that which He hath not promised: thou knowest not His good will; be thy prayer then submissive unto and leave thy petition to His mercy, assured that He will deal well with thee. If Thou art to have a wife of thy youth, she is now living on the earth; therefore think of her and pray for her weal.
He paused and – so only Susannah could hear him – whispered, “Do you pray for him who is to be your husband?” Eventually Charles and Susannah were married – and God blessed Mr. and Mrs. Spurgeon’s marriage and ministry for many years.
I read this story for the first time when I was seventeen and loved it – partly because I was already praying for “him who is to be my husband”. I don’t know how old I was when I prayed for him first – all I can remember is praying for him “all my life”. I wish I had a record of all the prayers I’ve offered for “him who is to be my husband”. But I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve covered in my prayers in the hope that, if you don’t already pray for him, you’re inspired to pray for “him who is to be your husband”.
I wonder what God would do if the young women of this generation got down on their knees and prayed that faith in Jesus would be the “one thing” that defines their future husbands – and thus the young men of this generation?!
Praying for our future husbands is a wonderful way to follow the example of the woman in Proverbs 31:12 and do our future husbands “good and not evil all the days of our lives.” But how do we do that in reality? How do we make it practical? It can be daunting! We don’t know the guy’s name, his age, his family, church, education and work situation – we don’t even know if he’s a Christian yet! Here are some ideas …
Pray for the important things in your future husband’s life.
There are three things I consider “important” in my future husband’s life – his faith, his walk with God and his heart.
Is he a Christian? I’ve always assumed my future husband is already a Christian, but … he might not be today; and for years I’ve prayed periodically for his salvation. We can also pray for the faith of our future husbands to grow in depth and breadth, in strength and tenacity, and also in grace. I pray that my future husband will be strong when he is tested and humble when he is refined. The faith of our future husbands will directly impact our faith, our children’s faith, our grandchildren’s faith … and the faith of countless generations to come if Jesus tarries that long.
His Walk with God:
Faith is the foundation of our future husband’s walk with God, but following Jesus is an adventure – and a journey that involves lots of tests: of faith and conviction and obedience. We can pray for our future husbands to walk humbly in faith with God (Micah 6:8) – to have the faith to keep walking by faith and not by sight when it’s tough, to maintain their convictions when it’s unpopular (even with themselves!), to obey the voice of God at any cost. I pray for my future husband to care more for walking with God than walking with friends or colleagues in following the crowd in pursuit of popularity or riches.
I often wonder about the heart of my future husband – who he is, deep down inside, alone with God. I think some people would call this “personality” or “character” or something – or maybe “soul”. I pray for my future husband to increase in his knowledge of God and maturity (Ephesians 4:13), know Jesus (Philippians 3:8 and Philippians 3:10), and be conformed to the image of Messiah (Romans 8:29). We can pray for our future husbands to have pleasant personalities and strong characters. For God to purify them of what is not pleasing to Him. And for their hearts to be true and honest and sincere.
Pray for other areas in your future husband’s life.
There are other areas of our future husband’s lives that we can remember in prayer. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but examples of things we can pray for:
- His Vision
Does he have a vision (Proverbs 29:18) for his faith, his life, his marriage, his family, his ministry and / or work?
- His Work / Ministry
Our future husbands may be in school or college or university, they may be working, they may be serving in ministry – or even missions! – and I pray for God to bless my future husband’s efforts.
- His Family Relationships
He’s a son – and maybe a brother too.
- The Company He Keeps
He has pastors, teachers, mentors, friends, colleagues … and maybe hundreds of “others” on Facebook!
I pray that God grants my future husband wisdom in all his ways.
Purity of body, mind, heart, soul … this is important!
Is he generous – with his time, his possessions, his money … his “self”?
Pray for your future husband from the Bible.
The Bible is “God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17) – we can be inspired by the Word of God as we pray for our future husbands!
- Psalm 15 says “Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous …” (:1-2) and Psalm 112 says “Praise the Lord. Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands …” (:1) – so I pray, “Dear God, please help my future husband to fear You and love your commands; help him to walk blamelessly and act righteously.”
- David is described a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22) and a man who accomplished God’s will in his generation (Acts 13:36) – so I pray, “Dear God, please shape my future husband into a man after your own heart and guide him into accomplishing Your will in this generation …”
- A number of the men in the Bible portray good, godly characteristics. For example, Moses was humble (Numbers 12:3) and Joshua was courageous (Joshua 1:9 and Joshua 24:31) – so I pray, “Please help my future husband to be humble and courageous …”
Look to God as you pray for your future husband.
It might be easy to become obsessive about praying for our future husbands, but my experience is that it’s something that is regulated by God – and, less spiritually, the reality of the life God has give me to life today – in both frequency and intensity.
- Sometimes I’ll feel that God is laying a special concern about my future husband on my heart and I’ll pray for that concern – be it faith or friends or vision.
- Sometimes I’ll think of my future husband randomly – and offer a quick prayer for him asking God to touch his heart and encourage him by reminding him that he is loved by God.
- And sometimes … ? I’m busy living and I’ll offer a quick prayer of the “please bless my future husband and keep him safe and happy” one morning a week and that’s all.
If you feel led by God to pray for your future husband, you may find God directing your prayers, too. You may even find Him encouraging you to pray for your future husband when you’re tempted to feel sorry for yourself and imagine a lifetime of old-maidenhood! I speak from experience …
Ask for a lot in your future husband in faith.
I may be suggesting we ask for a lot, but my prayers are a reflection of my hopes. I know I’ll marry a man – a real man who has food fads (which hopefully coincide with mine) and grumpy days (but hopefully not too often!). He won’t be perfect, any more than I’m perfect. But I trust God is refining my future husband into the image of my Jesus as He is refining me – and so I pray in faith for my future husband to be a man of God. I believe that is what God desires for all His men – all the men who know and love Him. And I believe this is what God desires His woman to hope and pray for … in faith.
“As you pray for you future husband, don’t just focus on your own desires, but on how your prayers can help shape him into the mighty man God has called him to be. If you pray diligently for him and carry this practice into marriage, you will be amazed at how God molds and shapes him into the man your heart desires.”
See also: Praying for Your Future Husband (a review)
(originally published in 2011)
Photography: JenniMarie Photography
I really do like what you worte 🙂
I’m currently giving up on someone I “Thought” could be the one but isn’t he found me first I wasn’t thinking about love really at that time I hurd some say pray for restoration hurd about God restores any relationship read about it in my heart I still like this man but I’m moving on I’m thinking about adding some of your words in my prayers for my Future Husband who ever he may be only God knows who he is
Hi! Similar to Rotricia’s post below , I too am seeking ways in which to pray for a man I recently met in church. Earlier in the year I prayed to be fully content with my relationship with Jesus and to find ways to serve him. The right opportunity to serve came up at church and the first evening I served, I laid my eyes on a man who was also serving.
I noticed we would often catch glimpses of each other, had not the opportunity to speak. After a couple of weeks we had some friendly conversations.
Been praying for my future husband as well as a man to attend church with and really a god fearing man, someone who would be a leader in our relationship. I need a man who will pursue so this was confirmation to hear this.
I keep thinking of this guy and it has started to take away from my reason for going to church in the first place: to make Jesus and our relationship a priority. Should I just forget about him?
I haven’t had a relationship with a true Christian in a long time so this is so refreshing.
I am getting stuck because in the meantime there is another Christian man who is really pursuing me (has a relationship with Jesus-not too strong though, does not attend church…
Is it wrong to want to be with a man that will lead our relationship to Christ or am I not giving this other guy a chance? What if I am supposed to lead him?
Hello! 🙂 Thank you for your comment. I think you ask some great questions and it’s a privilege to share my perspective but please do keep in mind the fact that I’m just a girl who loves Jesus and that your best source of advice and guidance is likely to be an older, mature Christian women! Don’t forget, also, to weigh my words against the Word of God! 🙂
I don’t, personally, think that your initial desire to go to church to meet with Christ and your subsequent desire to go to church to meet with a godly young man conflict. Try to keep the service for the Lord. Don’t sit with the young man (yet!) or keep trying to catch his eyes and smile or allow your thoughts to dwell on him rather than on Jesus. Keep the eyes of your heart on the Lord and keep your thoughts on the words of the hymns and the meaning of the sacraments and the wisdom of the sermon. I don’t think that giving the fellowship time after the service to the young man and others is a problem however.
If, however, you realise – and you’ll know if this is the case – that the Lord is asking you to step away from this potential relationship for now in order to focus more wholeheartedly on Him then it’s important to obey His request. I can’t help you discern that but urge you to seek the input of a godly mentor before making any decisions.
You might enjoy this article by Candice Watters: http://www.boundless.org/advice/2014/how-can-i-befriend-a-potential-mate-without-going-overboard
As for the facts that a) you’re being pursued by another Christian man who doesn’t attend church and b) you’re wondering if you’re supposed to lead this young man (closer to Christ?) … I’m cautious about commenting about a personal situation in which I have little experience. I do urge you, however, to consider the importance of being in a relationship with a man who loves Jesus ENOUGH to go to church! The man you marry will undoubtedly be human and have failings for which you’ll need to make allowances. A strong faith and commitment to the church of Christ, however, are two things which I consider essential in a man a Christian girl is considering marrying someday.
You might appreciate this article: http://www.boundless.org/advice/2013/what-if-my-boyfriend-isnt-as-eager-as-i-am-to-attend-church-activities
I commend you for seeking to know and love the Lord more and for desiring for your future husband to lead you – you individually and you together – closer to Christ. Don’t surrender that ideal! It’s beautiful and natural and I pray that the Lord will bless you with a good man and a godly husband who will do this well for all your lives together.
Hi. I am interested in a particular guy at my church and I believe that he can be a potential spouse for me later on. However, I would like to get to know him first and go through the right process. How do you advice that I pray for this person and the situation? Thank you
Hello and thank you so much for your comment! 🙂
It’s exciting that you’re interested in a particular guy and think he has potential as a future spouse. It’s also, I’m guessing, a bit scary as you hope and wonder what to do “next”. Well done for wanting to get to know him “properly”.
My personal feeling is that it’s the man’s role to initiate a relationship and the woman’s role to respond. As tempting as it is to take the lead in getting to know this guy, take care that you don’t take his role as leader, but encourage and nurture him in his role. Being approachable and friendly is fine, of course, just be careful not to pursue him but wait for him to pursue you instead. Candice Watters on Boundless (you can access her writing here: http://www.boundless.org/about/authors/W/watters-candice?authorname=watters-candice#P=0) shares some good thoughts on this subject.
You ask how you can pray for this person and situation.
My suggestion, first of all, is that you continue to pray for your future husband as “my future husband”. Only God knows if THIS guy is your future husband. Whether your future husband is this guy or another guy God can apply your prayers to the right one! I think it’s important to keep sowing seeds of prayer into the life of your future husband regardless of whether this guy is “him” or “he’s” a guy you’re yet to meet.
Secondly … pray for this guy and this situation. Pray that he will be generally blessed, encouraged, etc. Ask God to give him a vision and passion for Christlike manhood and for his future role as a husband and father. Ask God to turn his heart towards his future wife. Be honest in prayer about what you want and your feelings of attraction, curiosity, etc. Pour out your heart to God. And ask Him to move in this situation and bring you and this guy together if He knows it’s best for you both.
I, personally, think it’s okay to ask for God to grant you this desire, but pray with a surrendered heart, knowing that HE knows what is best and trusting that He can bring you and this guy together or unite you with a different guy or fill your single years with different blessings.
If you’re interested in praying more then “Praying for Your Future Husband” by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer is a great resource. “Get Married” by Candice Watters is very helpful and practical too.
God bless! 🙂
There is young man at our church wich the Lord often leads me to pray for, I have also prayed that God help me stop thinking of him but eveytime I tell God that, he lrads me to pray for him again.
Hi Thapelo! Thank you for commenting. When a girl says that the Lord keeps laying a certain guy on her mind or heart, I’m always a little bit wary, because I know that that road can lead to a LOT of heartache. The Lord can and does, sometimes, of course … but a lot of times He doesn’t. My experience and observation is that often a girl likes a certain guy and, naturally, can’t get him out of her head or heart. She desires to follow the Lord but she’s confused about what He is doing and saying. If the said guy (and / or his family) are sending ambiguous messages then the confusion is compounded … especially regarding what the Lord is really doing. Then again, I know He CAN start a romance this way, so I hope I’ll never say He NEVER leads a girl to pray for a certain guy. Praying for people that the Lord brings to mind is a great thing to do. I just want to encourage you not to assume that the Lord is laying the guy on your mind and heart, to hold the guy lightly, to pour out your heart to the Lord in prayer about all the concerns of your life. I also recommend that you try to be active in getting the guy out of your head and heart – when he pops in, get up and move around if necessary, but choose to think of something else. I know it’s hard. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord loves you and wants His very best for you and the rest of your life. I’m praying that He will bless and guide you and give you great clarity and comfort!
Hi Elisabeth, thank you so much for your words of encouragement, the advice you have given me is exactly what I have decided to do, I have come to an undetstanding that as God calls us to pray for people there is a reason why God chose me to intercede for him and I will do just that, without expecting anything to happen because in all honesty he does not even seem to be looking at me in any way either than a sister in christ.
Hello again Thapelo! Thank you for your gracious reply to my reply to your comment! 🙂 It sounds as if you’re developing a very balanced approach to this issue. Well done, I know it isn’t easy! It’s a great privilege to pray for people the Lord lays on our hearts. God bless you, Thapelo!
This was so helpful to me. Thank you so much. I found myself feeling bad.for a while because I would pray for my future husband all the time. The difference is that I know his name, age, and the high school he graduated from because it’s in my home town.
psalm 37:4… =)
THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION ITS FUNNY I CAME ACROSS THIS SITE BECAUSE I WAS ALREADY PRAYING FOR MY FUTURE HUSBAND. I KNOW WHO HE IS AND I KNEW WHEN I MET HIM. BUT I WAS CONFUSED IF IT WAS REALLY TRUE LOVE I WAS FEELING FOR HIM, AND I REALIZED AFTER SOME TIME THAT IT IS CAUSE I CARRY HIM IN MY SPIRIT DAILY, I PRAY FOR HIM DAILY. ITS SO DIFFERENT FROM RELATIONSHIPS THAT I HAVE EVER HAD IN THE PAST. AND I CANT LET GO NO MATTER HOW I ASK GOD TO REMOVE HIM OUT MY LIFE IF ITS NOT MEANT TO BE. INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON NOT HAVING HIM IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, I CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ME AND HIM ASKING GOD TO PREPARE US FOR ONE ANOTHER. I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT GOD HAS ALREADY WORKED IT OUT IN HIS TIMING AND I WILL HAVE THE MAN OF MY DEREAMS IN MY LIFE FOREVER.”SOON”. IM SO BLESSED THANK YOU JESUS AMEN.
Hey there! Thank u for sharing this! It is really a blessing:)it is also somthing i really need now,
Thanks for your words of wisdom,.
I’ve started praying for my husband about 8 years now, while it may not be something that I’ve done several times in the week in the past, within this year the frequency has increased. As now I’m not sure if he’s already saved but i know that in time when God reveals him to me that he would be.
The wait at times is overshelming, but wanting God’s best for me helps bypass the tears.
For those reading this and may be single like me. I encourage you to wait, Believe it or not he’s coming. God has some last refinements to do and like wise he’s also working on you.
Like me I know that the day will soon come when I’ll recall reading this article and say to myself “Thank you God for waiting on your best for me”
In the mean time continue praying and asking God for all your hearts desire and he’ll give you more that you anticiapted.
He’s coming – so wait.
I needed to be reminded; Im engaged and will be praying for my soon to be husband, myself and our family. Thank you so much for the inspiration
soo im scared, i do pray for my future husband; but in my heart i know who he is. i asked god and he replied; however it wasnt clear as water! is it bad for mee to doubt? or is it bad for me to think i know who my husband is? people seriously think im going nuts because im young and inlove! but i know to god nothing is impossible and my life is in his hands 🙂 ahh! help:)
WOW!!! Wonderful post! I also love that quote from Leslie Ludy! 😀 How lucky I am to go to their church! setapartgirl.com is her blog, magazine, and devotionals.
Wow! This post greatly encouraged me to remember to consistently pray for my future husband. (Something I’ve done for years, but not as consistently as I should.) I love the quote at the end by Leslie Ludy. Thank you for the encouragement, Elisabeth.
These are great suggestions! I began praying for my husband when I was a teen. I prayed for “my husband” not knowing who that would be. And suddenly I found myself adding a family to my prayer list–a family who had three boys–and I couldn’t stand those boys. Yet I started praying for them. And eventually I married one of them. 🙂
I’ve started praying for my future husband last year. When I take the time to pray for him, I ask God to be with him wherever he is right now. I have wondered if it was okay to pray for the man I will marry even though I don’t know who he is, but this post has encouraged me to continue to do so! I love the suggestions given when it comes to praying for my future husband, things I’ve never thought about praying for before. I will certainly keep those things in mind the next time I pray for him!
Thank you, and God bless!
Oh Amen! I love this post! It encourages to pray about much wiser things than I’ve heard others suggest. I always emphasize this important aspect of a husband and wife’s relationship with my unmarried friends because I’ve seen the Lord use it so much in my life. The year I started praying for my husband as a young teenager, he was severely depressed by his mother’s death and was backsliding in his spiritual walk, so much so that he was on drugs and tried to commit suicide from the sheer misery of it all. The Lord whispered to him in the midst of all that though and allowed him to hear my prayers for him at night, even though we had never met yet. Now (Almost a decade later) he is a pastor and has helped many of our friends through feelings of depression and suicide. Even my very own father. The Lord is so good! Pray girls pray! Hopefully your story won’t be so morbid as mine. But it will be just as special!
I have been praying for my husband for years- since I was a little girl. And this encouraged me and gave me some new ideas for praying for him. Thank you!
Thanks for the great reminder and wonderful applications! When I pray for my future husband’s vision, I also pray that our vision would be united even now, when we aren’t together.
Ooh … that’s a great thought – to pray that our visions and the visions of our future husbands are “united even now”!