“single” is not who I am

"Single" is not who I am.In the beginning God made man and woman in His image. He made man from the dust of the ground. And then, from one of man’s ribs, He made woman.

Her name was Eve.

Eve ate the one fruit in the Garden of Eden that God had told her not to eat. Sin entered the world. And womanhood has been complicated ever since.

Sometimes people act and talk as if my identity is “single”. They imply that I’m not really a woman. I’m “single” because I’m not a wife or a mother — and, “obviously”, that means I’m not really-truly a woman.

Obviously, seriously, I’m a woman.

And I struggle (a lot) when people imply that I’m not really-truly a woman.

“Single” is not who I am.

I’d love to be a wife and a mother. I’d love to not feel insecure as a woman because there’s so much of womanhood that’s “beyond my ken”. That said and understood, however, single may be what I am today, but “single” is not who I am.

In the beginning, Eve wasn’t a woman because she was a wife and a mother. She was a woman because she was created as a woman by God. She was fashioned and formed by Him.

It’s a good and wonderful thing to be a wife and a mother, but God doesn’t define woman as wives and mothers.

God defines women as He defines all His children and if you are one of His children then (regardless of your marital status and family circumstances), like me, you are:

You’re a woman because you were created as a woman by God. And my identity, your identity, is first and foremost that of a child of God. That’s who we are and in His eyes, in His heart, we are secure.

You are a woman. You are beloved. You are valuable.

Is your identity in your marital status and your family circumstances — “I am a wife and mother”, “I am single” — or is your identity in Christ?

You are a woman. You are beloved. You are valuable.


  1. Sooo thankful that my identity is in Christ and not in my relationship status! He is all I really need πŸ™‚

  2. Good point, Elisabeth! (With an “S”! πŸ˜‰ )
    I think that it is a trap that people fall into to put “shields” around the fact that Life Is Scary. So a woman with children throws herself into caring for them, bolsters herself up by reminding herself, (and perhaps everyone around her) that motherhood is “so important a thing.” A wife shores up her resolve to work on her marriage by saying “marriage is a sacred thing.”
    These statements are totally true!
    But they AREN’T the whole story. And maybe it’s easier to stop right here at this signpost instead of toiling further down the road. Because really, this road looks endless… Seriously.
    And we who aren’t married or mothers haven’t got a signpost to sit by. Woe is us! Ans we look at everybody sitting under their signpost and sigh in despair. When will we have a place to sit down and stop feeling like everybody thinks we’re inadequate?
    We all falter, we all feel inadequate to be what life seems to be demanding. The fact is that we ALL are inadequate, and we have to forgive ourselves nad everybody else of this.
    Because by living in it, sitting right down in the middle of it, is the only place where we can find the ladder the leads Up. THAT is where we’re supposed to be focusing, and going UP means we will Always be where we’ve never been before, (married or single, mothers or sisters) and this will prove that we are forever Not Quite Enough, but in Him we can be totally adequate.
    Trusting in Him to be that necessary percent to get us through, that is how we grow and become more like Him, and that’s what we’re really here for.
    Not so we can finally say, “I’ve got my seat on the boat of life, so just leave me alone!”

    Those who are married have a hard time of life. Those with children have a hard time of life. Those without either have a hard time of life.
    Life is hard.
    People will never 100% understand, or approve.
    Learning this is hard.
    But He knows exactly what your doing, why, and how tough it is. And He is what this is really about.

    Yes. As adults we are women, and have every responsibility to our King. He can use us in any way He sees fit. And though I may not have something that I’d like to, He has the best plan for me, and I will pursue it hotly, like the treasure it is. In the end, we all stand alone before Him.
    And at that point, nothing else will matter.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Elizabeth (with a “Z” πŸ˜‰ )

  3. Wonderful post! I had never thought about this before. Thank you for this encouragement!

    Elisabeth from America

  4. I think this is important in friendship, too. It seems we need encouragement from people who are in all different seasons in life. I really appreciated friendships with young mothers when I was single, and now that I’m married, I miss my single friends a bit. We are still in the same Bible study, but I’m not always free to hang out, or my husband is around when we want to have “girl talk.”

    Our “marital status” is not who we ARE, but there is still something special about our individual state that we can bring to the table. That is what the Body of Christ is all about, not ignoring our differences, but complementing each other. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but there is just something so pure and sweet and fragrant about a young (or not so young) maiden who belongs to the Lord. There ARE certain qualities that define her, even if they come later in importance. Christ is GLORIFIED when people of all walks of life worship him together.

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