Single-Minded

Sweetness in Singleness

Several girls have been having a great conversation on one of the earlier interview posts that I wanted to share with everyone. Thanks to Lanier, anonymous, and Jessica for your thoughts and being willing to be transparent for the sake of others.

Jessica: Lanier, I just wanted to thank you for sharing about the things that helped draw you closer to Jesus. It was very encouraging for me to read what you wrote since I am going through both loneliness and waiting at the moment. It’s so easy to become discouraged and wonder if anything good will come of it, but I know that the Lord has already used it in my life and will continue to. So thank you for sharing!

One question: you talked of the “sweetness of that season” when you were waiting for the Lord to bring my husband along. Did that season seem “sweet” to you at the time? Any “tips” (that doesn’t seem like the right word!) on working that sweetness into this time…if you know what I mean?

A self-proclaimed YLCF “lurker” was the first to respond: I’m not Lanier, but I’m a 22 year old gal who has never even had a guy seriously interested in me (that I know of) so I can empathize! For me, I actually do find this season sweet in its own way. I don’t know your particular situation, but I live at home with my family, and right now I have such a huge opportunity to serve (both in the church and my family), to pursue my interests (such as music, writing, etc), to enjoy my family (it is soooo easy to take them for granted, but when I stop and ponder what a blessing they are to me, I can’t help but give thanks!), and just to enjoy the freedom of singleness. I don’t have the pressing responsibilites of a married women. I personally enjoy my “freedom” very much! Not that I wouldn’t eagerly lay it down to be joined to a man, because I know that will be sweet in its own way, but I do appreciate the “bright side” of singleness.

And it does take concious effort not to fall into the “grass is always greener” mindset. There are so many things I look forward to in marriage, and I dearly hope I will find myself in that state before too long! But I have really focused lately on appreciating this time I have, and I’m realizing how much there is to enjoy!

Lanier’s reply: “Did that season seem “sweet” to you at the time?”

Well, to answer truthfully, yes and no. I can totally identify with the above commenter because the Lord really did give me an opportunity to enjoy my family and the unique blessings of singlehood before I met Philip. But the ache in my heart to be married–present even in my joy–definitely drew me to Him with a blessed desperation. Such a curious blending of bitter and sweet–my journal surely reflects that! And I so well remember the questions and the doubts and the loneliness…

I don’t think that the ‘sweetness’, or, more accurately, the awareness of it, is something that we can fully realize on our own. The gift of being able to recognize the blessings of God–cloaked in shadow as they may be–is in itself a gift. But it does help to keep ever in mind that this season of your life may very well be the most formative in your relationship with Him, your reliance on Him; that the ability to ‘attend to Him without distraction’ is so rare and precious and will bear rich fruit all the rest of your life.

A lot of the sweetness is in retrospect, to be sure. But take heart that He is working in the darkness as well as the light and that He’s the one that makes the bitter waters sweet…

Another reader commented with some good points also: Thank you so much to the three of you for the sharing of your hearts and their beautiful sentiments. I, too, am waiting on God’s timing and learning to enjoy the here and now. I’m learning that life can be lonely and tough and utterly confusing, yet overall life is beautiful when we choose to see the blessings in each season (and it’s not the easiest thing for me to do!).

One thing that helps strengthen my faith in our good God is to look back at the difficult times and see the little ways He has shown me He was there all the time, leading me or carrying me. Another thing that helps me is to realize that marriage is not the goal– it’s only a part of the journey. It will not give me happiness until I have learned to be happy with whatever circumstances God chooses to give me (doesn’t Paul say something about that in one of his letters?). The virtues that we can learn now in singleness, such as trust, patience, and faith, will be of immeasurable value when Prince Charming finally comes riding and we brave the storms of life together. God bless each of you as you seek to follow Him.

Single-Mindedness

by Lanier

As I type this, I am sitting at my husband’s desk at his office, waiting for his engineering day to end so that we can moonlight as a couple of painters. We have the company break room in our sights and I’m lobbying for a crazy shock of red to replace the tired gray of the current walls. There are Benjamin Moore sample books on the desk beside me, and a crock pot of soup at my feet and we’re gearing up for a productive night in company with my two brothers-in-law.

But in this pause, as the company slowly shuts down for the night around me and my husband passes in and out with a quick smile, I can’t help but think of the time in which I not only did not own such a privilege as to bustle into this man’s office, clearing papers for the basket of bread and cake that I bore and completely commandeering his work space for a YLCF post—but when I had no idea that he even existed! It seems so funny to think of it, but my brother was employed by the electrician that did the wiring for this building, spending days on end working directly with Philip, the summer before I even met him. We laugh about it now—how all it would have taken would have been one day of me being sweet enough to drive my little brother to work and we’d have had this deal wrapped up a whole year earlier!

And it feels like forever ago—another lifetime altogether—that the big question of my life lay unanswered and the future stretched ahead like a kaleidoscope of differing possibility. What would he look like? Would he be as kind as I hoped, as gallant? Would he sweep me off my feet in a moment or engage in a gentle wooing?

Would I be married at all? Was there something I was missing; some path God was pointing to that didn’t lead to a wedding but to some other adventure of His choosing?

Would I be happy?

Those days may seem like a long time ago now. But I remember the questioning like it was yesterday. I remember the frustrations of singleness and the endless curiosity and the flashes of carefree joy with which God blessed my way. I remember the comparative luxury of time to focus on the Lord “without distraction” and I remember the pain of waiting. Keenly. I will never forget it. And I’m glad.

We at YLCF have been thinking a lot about our singles lately, wanting to make sure we’re serving your needs and meeting you where you are. We want to be aware that in the midst of all the good posts on marriage and homemaking and motherhood we’re not leaning too exclusively on vision-casting—important in its own right and a good thing. But not the only thing.

Not the Main Thing.

It’s for that reason that I’m excited to announce a special “Single-Mindedness” for the month of February. Look out for some wonderful pieces, some of which have been penned by our very own YLCF readers, on the blessings, the unique opportunities and, yes, the struggles of singlehood. And get ready for a little audience participation, as well. We want to hear from you: what are you doing with your single days? How are you focusing on the Lord and your relationship with Him? How are you maintaining your pursuit of the Main Thing in the midst of desire? In what ways have you learned contentment? What wonderful opportunities and ambitions has He given you?

Be thinking about it, because we want you to leave a comment on this post—or any of the others to follow this month—telling us how you’re actively investing your singlehood to the glory of God! Keep it simple and succinct because we’re planning on compiling them all into one post at the end of the month. And I am anticipating a wonderful tapestry of diversity exhibiting the creativity of our Creator-King and the beauty of His daughters in more unique situations than we can imagine.

So get scribbling! 🙂

 

Last week I asked you singles to weigh in on what your days look like and what you’re doing with this season of your lives, to be compiled into a post at the end of this month. But the response we received was just too good to confine to one piece! Here’s a first sampling, in our readers’ own words. (And if you want to throw in your oar, it’s not too late– just leave a comment on this post or the original one. :)) -Lanier

from Raquel Mutton:

Oh my… It’s so hard to untangle the answers to the questions you’re asking from the pain and tears of not knowing, and one more birthday being single, and one more day of biting my lip as I try to do what’s in front of me without creating a fantasy of world of how ‘he’ will come and fall madly in love with me…someday…

So what am I doing right now? When I turned 18 and graduated from my last year of homeschooling I moved in with my sister and her husband and their (then) five children. I am now 24, and my sister has seven children, and I’ve spent the last 6 years ‘practicing’ my homemaking skills. I thought I had them down pat because I was a nice homeschooled girl who knew how to cook and clean and do practical things, but I learned there’s a difference between knowing how and doing it day after day after day through all of the surprise inconveniences life throws at you.

While I’ve been busy growing up through the past few years, so have my sister’s children, and now that her oldest is 14, I’m needed less than I used to be around the house. One thing I’m spending my time on now is my amazing new hobby of couponing. I’ve discovered that if you put the time into learning the ‘game’ and plan each shopping trip carefully you can get tons of stuff for free or very cheap by combining sales and coupons. Some of this stays in my sister’s house, some of it gets sent to the house of another homeschool family nearby, and everything that’s left I donate to a local mission.

I have learned that no matter how small and pointless (and sometimes boring) my part seems in the grand scheme of things, if it’s the job God gave me, I will be faithful. I have learned that feeling peace is not necessary to being content in God–which is helpful when I’m once again sobbing into my pillow and wonder if I should be feeling guilty for being so miserable. I have learned that no matter how strongly it feels that God just ditched me and doesn’t care about me, it is not true and never will be. I have learned that I since I can never be good enough or wise enough to earn any good gifts from God, that means that my singleness isn’t a punishment for ‘not being good enough yet’. I have learned that no matter how well I think I’ve learned all of these lessons, I will promptly forget and need to learn them all over again.

I have learned that life is incredibly more excruciatingly painful and complicated and messy than I ever realized, and that my God is bigger, and brighter and more amazing than I could have known without the pain.

from ladyfelicity:

My single days are filled with … life. Abundant, exhilerating, exhausting, precious, wonderful life. (Sorry, that isn’t simple and succinct!) Let’s try again …

For me, the key to not just surviving but LIVING singleness is surrender. I try to surrender EVERYTHING. Jesus knows and understands and cares about my hopes and dreams. My life belongs to Him and I’ll never miss my life by leaving the details of love and marriage and motherhood in His hands. His timing is perfect. He knows how old I am and He’ll work everything together for good – even “the late twenties” and the challenges with which they present single girls. For me, the key to living singleness is surrendering everything to Him and watching Him do wonderful things in a heart and life that belong to Him.

God has brought some amazing things into my life – the chance to do admin for a local Christian ministry that ministers and prays on the streets of the city and the inspiration to write … articles and, come this spring, real life books. These are unique opportunities for TODAY – for this season of singleness. One of the wonderful-to-me ideals I have for this season is to write books that encourage girls in faith through stories. If we’re surrendered to Him and committed to saying yes to Him and walking with Him in faith, He brings wonderful things into our lives – things we can do with and for Him, but would never dream of doing on our own initiative or in our own strength. It’s a blessing to serve our families and friends, but it’s so exciting when God brings MORE.

Focusing on God ALONE is hard when you want to focus on Him WITH a special someone. But think of it the other way round – someday you’ll have to focus on Him with a husband and a bunch of children, but now you can focus on Him ALONE. It’s just you and Him and that’s … special. He can be your dearest friend. Make the most of it TODAY!

from Millie LeFlore:

I’m 26 and as I continue to follow Jesus Christ, he is showing me more of his heart through my singleness. When I lay my desires before Him they become a place where He meets me and speaks directly to my heart about His love and desire to be with me. Although I wanted to be married at 18, looking back I wouldn’t trade my years of singleness for anything. Through them I have learned what surrender is, what trust is, and I’ve been free to serve on the mission field in ways a married woman may not have been able. Thank you Jesus for my singleness!! thank you Jesus for YOU.

from Stacy:

As a single woman going into her mid twenties, I still long to meet the right one, but want to keep my relationship with the Lord as my first priority. It’s not easy, but I still hope for the best. I try now by volunteering wherever I can in my church and expand my writing ministry. It does help to do things and focus on positive things in the present. If I fall, I just get up and dust off my shoulders.

from Rachelle:

I organize the youth newsletter for my church. I am beginning a read-a-thon Feb. 12 to raise money for Compassion International’s relief efforts in Haiti. Most importantly, though, I am seeking to seek Him first during this time of serving Him “without distraction.”

from Anna Lofgren:

I am spending my single days serving my Savior and community He’s placed me in for now, learning contentment and trust, and preparing for marriage, and motherhood, if and whenever that will happen. I’m taking advantage of extra time I have to devote to the Lord and be about His affairs, making sure that my day starts with extended time with my heavenly Father. Making a routine of studying many books helps deepen my walk with Him and prepare myself for the different roles He may have me play. Though it can definitely be a struggle at times, God has granted me peace and contentment as I trust Him for His timing. Time and again He’s led me in amazing ways to show me what He wants me to focus on for now. As a single young lady, He’s blessed me with time with my family at home, and given me the incredible opportunity of teaching praise ballet to 40 young girls and directing theatre involving many families. It is a joy to be a part of bringing glory to God through the arts!

 

It has been so exciting to see the responses come in to our query about how you singles are investing your time. Not to mention tremendously encouraging to get a sampling of all the manifold ways you are pouring your hearts and lives into the Kingdom! Your generosity in sharing has been overwhelming–so much so that my original idea of one post encapsulating a collection of ‘snapshots’ has flourished into a whole series in itself.

Part Two gave us a picture of half-a dozen young ladies spending their days lavishly in the love of God, and the stories you’ll find below are no different. I’ll just let them speak for themselves.

And check back on Friday for Part Four! 🙂 -Lanier

from Elizabeth:

The answer to “How are you keeping busy?” is that I am living life. I’ve never known anything except singlehood, so it feels fairly normal.

As to what God is teaching me: I often think of the young ladies in Biblical times as being under the protection of their parents and elders. As a missionary, I am not living with my parents, but I still feel under their protection, as well as under the protection of my Heavenly Father.

Recently I was praying about marriage, and I had a vision of standing before a crosswalk with the Lord tightly holding my hand. He would not let me go yet; it was not safe to cross, and He would not let me run into a dangerous situation. I am often aware of how He knows exactly what I need and what I DON’T need at any moment in time.

from Lin:

I am happily waiting for a person who will be easy to chose to love after years and years of marriage. It is so exciting to think about someone who will be just right for me the same way I see my parents and rest of the family married. It is like an unopened present that only gets sweeter and sweeter with time. I can feel in my heart my time is not yet and I rejoice in my free as the wind days! Life is simple, uncomplicated and happy! God has blessed me beyond reason!

from Ginger:

I wonder often when my prince will find me. Is there even a prince in my future? Questions like that will assail my mind at times. But for the most part, I am very happy in my “single” state and I try to leave the matchmaking to the One Who created my story before I was even born.

To answer your question. Yes, the Lord has given me plenty of opportunities while I am single. For one He has given me the gift of teaching and the opportunity to have my own classroom and my own class. I am able to have my full attention in teaching right now while I am still fairly new to the whole teaching thing!

I also am enjoying my single state while I have a six month old brother at home. I enjoy having this time to still be at home and to have this time to be an important part in my brother’s up bringing.

Those are only are a couple of blessings God has given me. There are so many more but I would have to write a novel to list all of them!

from Sarah:

In this time of singleness God has given me an incredible opportunity to continue my education. Occasionally I get wrapped up in waiting for “the one” and feel like I shouldn’t make plans too far into the future in case “Mr. Right” appears, but then I remember that God is not simply in control of my future, but also my present. His plan for me today is education and I need to wait patiently and prayerfully for Him to reveal His plans for my future.

from Kiersti:

While in my younger years I had hoped to be married by my current age of 25, the Lord has given me so many good things in this season of singleness. I am grateful to have the freedom and availability right now to help my family care for my elderly grandmother, whom we live with and who has dementia. I know things would be much harder on my parents and sister without my extra pair of hands. God has also given me jobs I enjoy–working in the Writing Center at my local community college and private tutoring an 8th grade girl in writing and English–as well as other special opportunities, like a writing internship with a small children’s missions magazine and helping with a Christian musical theater group for families that my family helped start this year. While the Lord has not seen fit to fulfill my dream of being a wife and mother yet, He has fulfilled other dreams that I didn’t even expect Him to, like getting to teach dance to children, be involved in musical theater, and even visit Europe when I studied abroad in college. He has also given me precious time with my family that I would have missed were I busy with a family of my own. Most of all, He has shown me how very near and dear He is Himself–though I know I still have so far to go in learning to know and love Him–and how Jesus truly is more than enough, and the only One who can meet our deepest needs and desires. These lessons have come through much heartache, but they are worth it. There are still days when singleness is very hard, as one by one my friends get engaged and married and no young man seems to show interest in me. But I can see more and more that the Lord’s plan is best. Thank you to all you girls who have shared…it is a blessing to see how He is blessing and using each of you right where He has placed you. May He bless you, and all you readers, each one.

from Abigail:

When I was younger it seemed like I had two possibilities ahead of me: marrying young or “surviving” a period of singleness. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself in the midst of a third option: actually enjoying singleness! There are times, certainly, as Elisabeth mentioned, when those little glimpses of married life make my heart ache. There are days when I need to make a list of “Benefits I am Receiving From This Season.” But much of the time I am content and very happy. Recently I was surprised to hear myself say, “Thank You, Lord, that I’m not married yet!” I credit this to God’s grace in helping me to enjoy this unique time. For me, the more involved I get in ministry and the more I realize the many needs that surround me, the easier it is to stay focused on using this time well. If I think “How long will I have to wait until I can get married?” the wait can seem daunting, but if I think, “How much longer will I have to be this free and flexible for serving the Lord?” I feel like time is running short!

from Megan:

I’m going to Moody Bible Institute as a Women’s Ministry major starting next fall. I would love to end up working with young ladies in their teens and twenties, so one way that I see my single years is as time to gain experiences so that I can relate to girls who go through the same things. I’ve got some wonderful women who give me wisdom right now, so I’m taking notes! This includes the realization- through disequilibration and experiences, not just concepts- that God really is the Lover of my soul and the only constant, certain hope that I have.

Here is the final installment in our Single-Minded series–for the present! Thanks to your wonderful outpouring we’ll be resuming it in April, after our jam-packed March of Books. We have many more fabulous ‘singleness sketches’ queued up, and I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone of you who has joined in and shared your heart so willingly.

God bless you all. And now, enjoy another candid peek into the lives of some of our faithful sisters in Christ. -Lanier

from Rachel:

What am I doing with my single life?

I am enjoying it… most days.

When I was 15 or 16 I thought I had my life all planned… I would finish homeschool, work for Daddy on our farm, and “someday” my prince charming would come riding in to sweep me off my feet and carry me away! (Preferably by age 21!) But God had different ideas. Now, at 24, I’m still at home, farming and ranching, but Daddy is in heaven. When he died 7 1/2 years ago, my world got turned upside down.

I have spent this time learning to redefine who I am. I couldn’t define myself by only human standards anymore, I had to be who I am in Christ, and look to Him for guidance and comfort. I’m not just “so-and-so’s” daughter, I’m a child of the King!

I have spent this time learning contentment. However, every time I think I can say, “I have learned in whatsoever state I am…” I am presented with a new way of practicing it.

Yes, there have been plenty of tears in my pillow, or cried in the milk bucket. There has also been opportunity to reach out to others who are hurting as well. What Joy!!!

from Victoria:

My situation is slighty different as my parents are divorced and I am not yet 18. I have been done with highschool for almost a year. Right now, I am spending my time helping my mother in her home. Between my two siblings, three step-siblings and two other girls with disabilities (one with cerebral palsy, the other with downs syndrome) who live currently with us, we usually have eight kids staying in our house. I spend my time helping with cleaning, cooking, and helping with schoolwork. Outside of those duties, I love to spend time reading and learning new things, fellowshipping with friends, and going and helping out wherever else I am needed. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents and I go and visit my dad as often as I can as they do not live too far apart. =) I almost took college courses online which would have started this month, but the Lord told me that it was not part of His plan for my life. Now I am learning serve Him better day by day, and waiting to see where He leads. I cannot say how freeing it is to simply rest in Him.

God Bless!

from Jordan:

I was just thinking yesterday how fast my life to date has passed. Watching 6 children ages 1 to 10 will do that to you! It has really made me re-evaluate and realize how much I should be enjoying my current time of life. I’m only 17, so I haven’t had to learn to be content single, but I have struggled with putting my life in God’s hands. This verse in a song by Casting Crowns pretty well sums up my constant prayer:

Here at Your feet I lay my future down.
All of my dreams I give to You now and I find peace!
Here at Your feet I lay my life down
For You, my King, are all I want now and my soul sings!

I am spending my “single years” doing whatever God leads me to do. A couple months ago He gave me the opportunity to drive 9 hours to stay with a friend of a friend who has three boys 5 and under and a baby on the way. I was able to help prepare meals and make a few quilts while I was there.

When I was 13 I started a sewing ministry at my church. It has grown and changed, but it’s still going strong! It has given me a good opportunity to practice being an “older woman” to girls other than my sisters.

Around that time I also started sewing for ladies in our homeschool group, making modest dresses for their daughters. I have grown that into a business over the past 4 years. My vision is to keep the modest clothing that I make high on quality and low on cost since I know many homeschool families live on a single income.

D L Moody said, “It is better to say, ‘This one thing I do’ than to say, ‘These forty things I dabble with’.” The things above are really just things I dabble in. My “one thing”? Abiding in Christ: Living in Him, Learning of Him and Loving through Him.

from Vanessa:

Sometimes I am not sure I even know what it is like to be single – even though I am. My “single” years so far have been filled with so many children, so much activity, and so much love that loneliness has not been a huge issue for me. I have almost always had something to do. Right now I am a private duty nurse for a child. It’s very fulfilling work and I am learning skills I hope to use in the future.

My single years have been filled with extremes. I have had some very unique experiences, such as being a caregiver in an orphanage. That gave me years of parenting experience. Since entering the nursing field, I have dealt with births and deaths and everything in between. I do not fit into any sort of mold. I do not feel like a “sitting duck” – my life has not involved a whole lot of sitting around! My goal is to let the Lord Jesus Christ be the center of my existence. Even though choosing to follow the Lord sometimes brings personal pain, I do not regret the path I have chosen.

from Sarah:

When I was sixteen I thought I was ready! Ready to have a boyfriend, ready to get married very soon, ready to quit attending the churches valentines banquet alone. But my Prince Charming still hadn’t shown up. What was wrong with him? Didn’t he know I was ready?! Now, at the young age of twenty, I look back and laugh at myself. God is using these single years to chip away at some things in my life that He needed to get rid of. And it would be so much more painful were a young man in the mix. Do I want to get married? Yes! Am I ready? No. So, I’m using this time to draw closer to the Lord. I’m using it to be a missionary to my family, to my neighbors. Those things won’t stop when I become a “Mrs.”, but I can devote more energy and time to it now. And I’m actually thankful for this time of singleness. Right now I live with my sister as a “live in nanny”, as we like to call it. It’s very practical training for learning to be mommy, cook, housecleaner, teacher and organizer!

And we’ll close for now with a good word of encouragement. Though not technically a comment on singleness, every one of us can benefit from the joyful perspective of a new bride:

from Regina:

Thank you so much for sharing! How well I remember the days of tears and longings, wondering when (if ever) God would bring a husband and trying my best to trust the Lord and grow close to Him through that time. Now as I look from the other side of the spectrum as a new bride (having married my beloved in September of 2009), I just want to bless each of you for yielding your lives to the Master Potter and allowing Him to shape you in His ways. I was so encouraged as I read how the Lord is using you in His kingdom as you faithfully follow Him! I discovered that learning trust – contentment – patience does not end at the marriage altar. In a way it only becomes more real as the sweetness of marriage unfolds.

God is continuing to work in my life – teaching me to trust Him, find my contentment in Him, rest in His care, and to be patient for His perfect timing. I am so grateful for the foundation that began in my single years.

As you follow the Lord and serve him faithfully in the little things remember that what you are learning now is becoming a foundation for what the Lord will continue to teach you through the coming years, as He unfolds His plan for your life.

Blessings to each one of you – married or single – Let us continue to lay our lives at the feet of the Father and trust Him in every situation we find ourselves in.

Way back in February we asked our unmarried ladies some questions:

What are you doing with your single days? How are you focusing on the Lord and your relationship with Him? How are you maintaining your pursuit of the Main Thing in the midst of desire? In what ways have you learned contentment? What wonderful opportunities and ambitions has He given you?

 

The response was so unstinting that my original notion of one post of your replies became a series. A series that was temporarily interrupted by the delightful diversion of our March of Books. But now it’s time to pick up the threads of that conversation, and in that spirit, I present to you the next installment of Single-Minded. -Lanier

from Katie:

I read recently that studies show that people are not any happier or less happy after marriage– they are just as happy or down as they were before. So, invest the time, energy, prayer, and effort into being happy in your singleness, and you are investing time in being happy when you are married one day.

Being single feels long and hard because we can’t see the future, but the reality is, most of us will be married one day, and probably one day soon. So think of it this way: if God told you, “You’ll meet the man of your dreams in a year and be married within 2 years,” I don’t know about you, but I would be scrambling to get everything done– in terms of adventures, service, growing in the Lord, etc.– that I want to do before I’m married. So remember, just because you can’t see the future doesn’t mean it’s near. Squeeze everything you can out of these single days, because the likelihood is that they won’t last long, and you don’t want to waste them!

from Elizabeth H.:

I can say that my dreams have changed a lot since my teenage years. I thought I would be married at 22, with a child or two at 25. And I had the idea of what a perfect wife would be. I thought I knew what it would take. I pictured myself making yummy meals and making home decorations and raising a passel of adorable, well-behaved children with my preacher husband.

At 22 I was single and I moved to Russia. Now I’m 27 and even if I do get married soon, I realize that I no longer have an image of the “perfect” wife. I’ve realized that many of the elements were a part of my culture. Now, my “ideal” household might consist of a 1-rm apartment, and I might need to work while my mother-in-law watches the children. My children might have a different mother tongue than my own.

As I move away from my childhood marriage fairytale, marriage becomes more and more of a mystery to me. And it is an exciting mystery when I trust it to God. I never could have dreamed up the life I have in Him, and I have no idea what the future holds!

from Joanna:

Consistently waiting… and praying… for 8 years. If I had known this back when I was 18, I might have lost heart! Thankfully though, in His great wisdom, He saw fit to keep a lot of His plan hidden to me. In the ‘in-between’, He has given me so many joys and blessings, so many lessons, strength in the waiting, growth in the good times and in the hard times… and throughout this whole time, and even before, He has remained faithful. How could I ask for more? Yet I do… so very often… I lay my dreams and desires down in His hands. He knows best, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him!
He has placed me in a wonderful family, with whom I have my best friends on earth! He has blessed me with three ballet classes to instruct and manage, precious extra time to sew and design, a little, baby girl to care for two days a week, and an unending life with Him. Life is full of beauty!

from Rachel:

I’m fast approaching my 25th birthday and still without a man, something I never anticipated when I was graduating from high school. But God has been good, and I can’t imagine my life any other way. I grimace to think what these years would have been had I followed that ‘plan’ for my life and exchanged my graduation cap for a wedding veil. Although I hope to someday be married, I’ve learned that it really is all about God’s timing, not mine. I am content with the thought that my life can be just as fulfilling if I am married at 35 or 45, instead of 18.

So what have these years been full of? Teaching piano lessons and small classes in the Christian school I grew up in, editing publications for a small book press, living with my brother & his little family in South Africa, traveling with my parents to Botswana for an extended missions trip, living in Thailand helping to set up an office for literature production and distribution, continuing my education (though interrupted often by these international trips) and getting ready to graduate in the spring with my bachelor’s in education, and working on 2 publications of my own right now, and so excited to be a published author!

Like I said, few of these things would have been possible had I married right out of high school, and when I look back on the experiences I’ve had, the friends I’ve made, and the things God has allowed me to be involved in, I’m amazed to see His hand of design in my life.

So here’s to the next 10 years of singleness!!! (Although, between you and me, if that ‘man’ shows up tomorrow, I wouldn’t be sorry to leave it all! ;))

Thank you to all who have contributed to our Single-Minded series! It has been a joy to see the many ways in which God has been working in the lives of young women who are wholly devoted to Him. You have been an active part in ‘spurring one another on to love and good works’, and that’s what YLCF is about. We appreciate not only your honesty, but the integrity of your example.

And that goes for all of you, whether you’ve added your voice to this particular discussion or not. You are a host of God’s handmaidens, an unseen company of faithful servants, and it is our privilege here to stand by the side of the track cheering you on as you ‘press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus’. May He refresh your hearts for the race ahead. -Lanier

Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.

Hosea 6:3

from Sarah Anne:

I do thank the Lord over and over for the opportunities He has given me to serve Him in my singleness. In 2004 the Lord began to stir my heart about being involved in a ministry specifically encouraging single ladies, yet I could not find one. Then the Lord led me to start a ministry of my own. So, five years ago Ladies In Waiting was born! LIW was started with the purpose of being an encouragement to single ladies, encouraging them to grow in their love for the Lord and serve Him instead of “sitting around” waiting for “Prince Charming” to show up. We publish e-magazines and I enjoy personal contact with the ladies too! This ministry has been a great delight and privilege to lead and get to know the ladies who become members!

Another privileged opportunity that the Lord has given me to serve Him is being a nanny to a couple of little munchkins. It is a great blessing, yet also a challenge, to have the opportunity to share my Lord with them. I enjoy teaching them Bible stories and songs, and also teaching them Biblical principles. Watching kids has taught me so many lessons, I think the biggest one being patience…that thing we all don’t get along with most of the time. Also, being a nanny is the greatest “mommy school” you can go to!

Yet, by far the most important thing that has helped me in my singleness is having a growing relationship with the Lord. I have to make sure that I am spending a good amount of time with my Lord each morning, or it’s harder for me to be content the rest of the day, because I am not seeing things through my Lord’s eyes, but mine. When I don’t have my eyes fixed on the Lord, it’s really hard to be content as a single and almost impossible to keep the dam of tears from breaking. With my eyes fixed on my Lord, my struggle with contentment is easier to deal with. Yes, there are always times that we just need a good cry, but let us not have a continual pity-party and not be able to whole-heartedly serve our Lord and others. The verses that are the most encouraging to me with my single struggles are 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in both body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

from Rebekah:

I know in my heart that my identity is in Christ; that the most important thing always is following Jesus and telling others about him and the good news that he offers. This is the number one thing, whether you are married or single and in it there is joy. I am not sure that God ever promises us “happiness”. He gives joy certainly- and trusting him with something painful like singleness (and it goes without saying there are many other situations and burdens that are painful) is a path to growth.

And even when I don’t “feel” all of this (and I admit I don’t really feel it just now), it is still true.

Thankfulness is what turns me away from looking inward and being self-pitying. And what do I have to be thankful for? Where does my joy come from? (The medic in me needs to write a list) :

There is joy found, in reading God’s Word.
There is joy in a friendship with a family, where you place bricks in the wall of relationship, look after their children, read good books together, and share such Good News.
There is joy in framing a Bible story so it is understood by my Sunday School Class.
There is joy (for me) in making the right diagnosis, offering the right medicine and seeing a patient recover!
There is joy in playing the piano, reading Jane Eyre, listening to a poetry programme, in rest and quietness and trust.
There is joy found in Christ and being in Him.

from Essie:

I like to think that God will bring me my husband as I go on doing His will for my life – and how wonderful if my future husband is heading down the same road as me, with the same calling. So, while I would like to get married some day (hopefully not toooo far away!), I am quite content at the moment seeking God’s will, going where He leads me, and learning so much about life that I pray will be a blessing I can give to a husband one day. For me, this is taking the form of training to be a doctor.

from Jen:

I had always hoped to be married by the time I was 25 years old. I turned 26 last October. However, 25 wound up being the best year of my life to date (although 26 is turning out pretty amazing also!) Last January, I had the incredible opportunity to go to a lesser-known city in Russia to help the church there host a winter leadership conference for young adults.

I saw God moving in that city and among the Russian young adults (believers and non-believers both–He is drawing some of those non-believers to Himself!!) I fell in love with the people there and spent a significant chunk of time throughout the past year keeping in touch with my new friends via vKontakte (“Russian Facebook”) and e-mail. I also committed to pray for my new friends every day.

This year, I was blessed beyond compare with the opportunity to return to my beloved city and see almost all of my Russian friends again–to see how God has been working in their lives and even to meet new sisters who now believe as a result of God’s work in their hearts at the conference last year!

I am so priveleged to have been invited by God to take part in His work there: to pray and then to see Him answer those prayers in ways that are beyond my wildest imaginings…and to see Him orchestrate everything just so.

I still work my 9-5 job in the real world and struggle to find signifcance in the work that I do; I struggle to truly work as though unto the Lord, but I’m learning. I am so grateful to have my job, which I actually somewhat enjoy and am good at, but I’m most grateful for God revealing Himself to me more and more (especially through my newest obsession–inductive Bible study!)

Слава Богу! (For those of you who don’t have a Cyrillic font installed, that says Slava Bogu! –Praise God!)

He Is Good

by April H.

My life journey is different than perhaps many of YLCF’s readers (although maybe it is more the same than it looks on the surface). I spent the first 22 years of my life in Japan with parents who also happened to be dedicated missionaries. From childhood through my passage into adulthood, they inspired me and challenged me to serve the Lord alongside them, and I count myself immeasurably blessed to have spent those years growing and learning and serving. I also count myself blessed in that I was really too busy with preparing Sunday School lessons, organizing our church’s music program, and acting as church custodian and secretary to think much about the future! I love that the gals at YLCF have titled this series “Single-Minded” because that is what I was…single minded in getting through another week of life and ministry with Christ.

Three and a half years ago (where does the time go???), my life changed forever. My family left the mission field and came to live in a big, strange city in the US, with no friends, family, or supportive church to ease our transition out of full-time ministry and into daily life in America. These last three and a half years have truthfully been the hardest of my life, and they have also been tremendous times of soul-searching and confusion. What IS a twenty-something girl to do with herself? With my parents no longer in full-time ministry, there was no longer the opportunity to support them and their vision. I have no younger siblings to minister to at home. We spent basically the first year and a half just looking for a church to call home, which made it impossible to plug into a church ministry.

Today, life looks different than I ever expected it to. Really, when I lived in Japan, I never had much of an expectation beyond begging God for the grace to make it through another week of ministry. I never imagined life beyond the mission field. Yet that is the life I am living today, and I find myself similarly begging God for the grace to get through another week, another day, of what is now my life. I am learning to be a follower and ambassador of Christ outside the realm of “Christian ministry” as I go to secular college, work at secular jobs, and try to make friends with people who are unsaved. It is not easy, and many times, I have felt like my faith has been stretched nearly to the breaking point. Life outside the warm and safe blanket of Christendom is a hard place to stay single-minded for the Gospel, but by God’s grace, I am learning to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I am beginning to learn to actually think about the future (!), and scary ideas of grad school and solo mission work (without the day-by-day protection of my now-retired parents) are beginning to take shape in my mind.

Amid all the uncertainty and questions, one thing has been on my mind for the last few months. It’s something that C.S. Lewis wrote: he said that following Christ isn’t safe. For me, this meant that following Christ required giving up the safety of my comfort zone, of friends, of home, of the very life and place where I felt most at rest. All this Christ has required of me. But, Lewis continues, although following Christ isn’t safe, HE IS GOOD. Regardless of how scary, and unsafe the path He is leading me on looks, He is good. That is the one thing I am learning to lean on, regardless of my circumstances.

To Glorify God

by Mary Beth Jones

At 34, I am one of the oldest gals lurking here, having connected years ago through HopeChest Magazine. Purposeful singleness is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and so often neglected and ignored by mainstream Christians! Very few single women that I know or have sat on pews with are living fulfilled, purposeful single lives in the service of the Lord of the Harvest. It is heartbreaking to me and my sisters, who have served the Lord in active ministry/missionary work since we were young teens. We have taught Sunday school, worked in nurseries, and been short-term babysitters and long-term nannies. We have been Bible club leaders, music teachers, homeschool tutors, mentors, intercessors, worshipers, ladies’ Bible study teachers, daughters, sisters, and friends.

There are four of us over the age of 28; only one of us is married. Currently, we single girls manage and work at our family’s bakery, and all of us have “side-jobs” as well.

I am the principal of a non-profit private school, serving local homeschooled students, and spend 35 hours a week tutoring and teaching classes. I especially love the opportunity to share the Gospel openly and without reserve to my students day-in and day-out. This requires that I constantly feed in God’s Word, encouraging myself with spiritual music, reading, and fellowship as well. Proverbs 13:14 (NAS) says, “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, to turn aside from the snares of death.” I firmly believe that if I am faithful to do my part in planting seeds of God’s Word, that the Holy Spirit will water and cultivate them at the right time in the lives of those around me.

My sister Tricia is an accountant, bookkeeper, tax-preparer, and tutor as well. She is my best friend and a faithful, hardworking woman of God. Sarah is a seamstress, tutor, and cake decorator; she also mentors girls in a local middle school church ministry. We are also missionaries to children of the Church, doting aunts to a growing brood of precious little ones, home-owners, and primary care-givers to our elderly mother (our daddy has been with Jesus for a year now). We are all university students as well; this is a monumental accomplishment that our parents wanted for us earlier in life, but we could not afford the time or money until now.

Life has been full and rich, yet “hope deferred” has made our hearts sick at times. We hold on to the promises of God over our lives, knowing that He is true to his Word:

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; {and} that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him {be} the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” -Ephesians 3:14-21, NAS

My life’s purpose is “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” I also want to take as many people to heaven with me as possible! This involves my getting out of my comfort zone (my home) and working in the Great Harvest of souls. I also am developing spiritual gifts that have been given me by the Holy Spirit for this purpose. I have grown from a timid and shy teen, looking forward to being a wife and mom, to a bold and compassionate missionary, willing to do whatever the Lord asks of me. Is my faith always so strong? Absolutely not! But I know that the Lord’s favor is upon us, and He will “establish the work of our hands” (Psalm 90:17, NAS).