Reality and Valentine’s Day
originally written February 2007
As I sit here planning a candlelight Valentine’s dinner with my love, I think back on the conversation I had a few days ago with my single sister-in-law. Her Bible school class on marriage has given her a lot to think about.
I couldn’t tell her the teacher was wrong. I couldn’t tell her marriage was easy. It’s not. She and I both know her brother is pretty close to perfect. But he still hurts my feelings sometimes. She and I both know housekeeping isn’t easy. I often fall short of my husband’s expectations. We all know that there are emotional days when nothing goes right. Sometimes, the bowl of potato salad breaks all over the clean kitchen floor and you don’t go to the potluck.
Marriage is not easy. But life is not easy.
No marriage can be perfect. For no person can be perfect.
Such is reality, I assured my sister-in-law Marlys. Yet so is the reality that I am living my happiest dreams. Life at the side of my husband is more wonderful than I ever imagined. Merritt steadies me, balances me, completes me. I am even more emotionally stable since our marriage, he says. (And as the chief shoulder upon which I cry, I guess he should know.) Truly, we are as happy as can be.
But it’s time for Valentine’s Day once again. The day I so often mourned my solitary state. The day I was in raptures at his phone call and Valentine. The day I agreed to marry him.
So on this day of unrealistic hopes and overwhelming longings, I encourage my sister-in-law and other singles like her to enjoy February 14. Don’t ruin a perfectly good Wednesday with self-pity. Offer free babysitting so a couple can have a much needed dinner date. Pray for someone who is spending their first Valentine’s alone after the death of their beloved. Make your parents a candlelight dinner then slip away with your siblings. Bake some cookies for some special older people in your life. Be so busy giving love you won’t have time to miss it.
On this day for lovers, I smile as I think of the newly-engaged couples I know. If they were listening (ah, but they have eyes and ears only for each other), I would tell them to savor the sweetness, the fresh newness of their love and happiness together. For I know that yet another Valentine’s Day will find them reliving the memories, even more joy-filled and content than they ever imagined.
And to my love, my husband, I whisper words but few:
“Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be!”
LOVED it! Thank you…there is so much to learn, so much to grasp, so much to understand.
Ginger~
Archived comments from the original post on ylcf.org…
At 10:00 PM, Anonymous said…
Thank you Gretchen- I needed that reminder of reality- that not everything is always easy. Yet life is a blessing:0)
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At 10:00 PM, Chantel H. said…
That song was sung at the marriage of my brother to his beloved this past October… 🙂
Thank you Gretchen, for this post. It really is beautiful! God gives us our single days for a purpose, and I pray I treasure mine as opportunities to prepare for the days when I shall no longer be alone…someday soon! 🙂
My Mother asks about your mother-in-law, and wondered if you would be able to pass along her greetings to the family. She thinks of them often. (Her name is Michelle Harding.)
Enjoy your valentines dinner!
-Chantel
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At 12:00 AM, Ashleigh said…
What a good piece of advice, Gretchen… to be so busy giving love that one forgets to miss it. I’m praying for my many single sisters this time of year, and what wisdom is in that little sentence.
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At 12:13 AM, Claire said…
What a sweet post! Let us rest secure in our first and dearest Valentine and tenderest beloved…Jesus Christ himself.
Personally, I know that myself and many other young maidens are looking foward with eagerness to this Valentine’s Day because of a gift planned for us over at The Rebelution! (www.therebelution.com).
Joyfully,
Claire
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At 6:10 PM, Anonymous said…
I really like your bit about being so busy giving love that you don’t miss it.
I read somewhere in a book about healing your spirit, that you must take care of the present. The past is made of the present, and the future will be made of the present. The present time is all you really have, and it’s precious. Snap out of regretting the past or worrying about the future. Dive in to your present, which is the best use for it!
Of course, the book wrote it much better, but the concept stuck with me, and my days are better for it 🙂
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At 8:37 PM, Anonymous said…
Dear Gretchen,
I want to thank you for your posts. They are very encouraging to me. When my parents gave me my own computer I made YLCF my home page so that every time I go online, I can be encouraged by your site.
I’m 15 so technically some of the articles on YLCF don’t apply to me, but I still think that it’s good for younger gals like me to have good examples in older girls, like you and Natalie and Lanier. Just reading your godly writing helps me to get my focus on Jesus Christ. Your godly perspectives prepare me for things that may come up in my own future. Your excellent writing and commitment to encouraging Christian girls with your site inspires me.
You’ve probably been told this before, so my little letter won’t mean a lot, but all the same I really just want to say “thank you” for your ministry. It means a lot to me and I thank God for how He is using you.
God bless you.
Love, Keely
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At 2:12 PM, Angie said…
The beginning of your post reminded me of a quote I read from Benjamin Franklin just the other day. I liked it so much that I decided that I’ll make it my motto, when, if ever, I get married:
“Remember that the Person you will spend your Days with is a Man and not an Angel” I think that knowing that is key to a happy marriage.
I love reading YLCF. It’s great to hear from “the little pink house.” I was afraid that when you got married you’d drop off the planet, and I’m thankful that you’re still writing.
Angie
awww 🙂 That was beautiful. I’m married but still gathered a lot from that post. I often struggle with how balance encouraging the position of wife/mother while still being sensitive to those whom God has called to be single.
Thanks! I’m single, and this is just what I needed to hear!
That was beautiful, Gretchen–and such good advice. Thank you–and Happy Valentine’s Day!
Ah!!! This was refreshing to read. As a single woman still hoping and waiting for the right one. I have been given opportunities to serve within my church and outside of it. It can be hard, but I feel hope when helping others and doing things I love. I do hope to be married one day, but I find doing constructive things keep me hopeful and excited to see the Lord at work in my life.