The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition

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by Sharita Knobloch

Marriage. It’s one of the most rewarding yet also one of the most challenging experiences we can be called to in life.  Paul even tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that “…those who marry will face many troubles in life…”

So yeah, marriage isn’t easy. And when you add the military factor to marriage, things can get sticky in a hurry if you don’t have your feet on a solid foundation. Which is why we need all the Godly guidance, tools and encouragement we can get.  The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition covers all those bases.

As an Army wife, this book was an answer to my prayers.

Don’t get me wrong—I am so thankful to be married to a wonderful man, but we (obviously) are both sinners and recognized about 18 seconds into our marriage that it takes work.

My Beloved and I read the original book The 5 Love Languages a few years ago when he was home on R & R from Iraq.  It was very insightful and added value to our relationship. But honestly, as we hugged “see-ya-later” at the Columbia, Missouri airport a few short days later, I was like, “Dude. His love language is Physical Touch. Mine is Quality Time. How  are we supposed to speak it with an ocean between us?!?”

Now, right before another separated-by-duty situation, God introduced us to The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition. (Thank You, Jesus.)

Marriage isn’t easy—especially in the military. But having a love-filled, God-driven military marriage is absolutely possible.

This wonderful book gives some great practical tips on just how to speak each other’s language amid military marriage challenges.

At the end of the chapters describing each love language, the authors list ways that we can speak our beloved’s language when we’re in the military, dealing with distance, deployments, moving what seems like every 20 minutes, and the after-effects of war, to name a few. Several of the suggestions were super creative and will soon be implemented by yours truly.

As if I weren’t already sold, the last few chapters sealed the deal. It was clear that the book had input from someone who has “been there, done that”. Co-author Jocelyn Green’s contributions were so appreciated. Essentially all of the military-related questions about love languages that I had still had floating around in my head were addressed. The authors did their homework and really showed how empowering it is to let the Holy Spirit work through our military marriage via our love languages.

Oh. And one more super cool part of this remarkable military marriage tool. At the very beginning of the book, there is a little box that encourages couples to read this book together. But it also acknowledged how difficult that can be during deployment when spouses are separated. Then it provided a web address, making the eBook version of the book available to any spouses that are deployed, at no cost. Although my Beloved is still stateside, this thoughtful offer touched me deeply. Clearly, the authors care about their readers and approached this project prayerfully with generous hearts.

Overall, this book is spot on. It is practical, encouraging and real when it comes to speaking our spouse’s love language, even in our military escapades.

Just as Paul reminds us, marriage isn’t easy—especially in the military.

But having a love-filled, God-driven military marriage is absolutely possible.

And the book The 5 Love Languages: Military Edition is one incredible tool to help you discover the secret to love that lasts — in the military or otherwise.

What things do you do to speak your spouse’s love language? (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service or Physical Touch) How does that positively impact your marriage?


SharitaSharita Knobloch describes herself as a Jesus-loving, pseudo-running, enthusiastically creative minister, writer, and Spiritual Leadership Coach.  She blogs regularly and hosts a ministry called 7 Days Time to encourage others to find Jesus in the everyday and live in His light.  She adores her family, specifically her Beloved U.S. Army Infantry husband Brandon, their ever-entertaining 7-month-old daughter Charis and chinchilla/fruit bat/mountain goat dog Justus. (If you saw a picture of him, you would understand.) Sharita enjoys reading, new journals with inky pens, and the occasional glass of wine in the bathtub. Connect with Sharita via her website or Facebook.


  1. What things do you do to speak your spouse’s love language? Words of Affirmation and admiration and respect, brag on him to others, Physical touch for affection and calming. He’s the service oriented one so prefers to do for me rather than let me do for him (i.e. cooking =) ) Plus he’s a fabulous cook! So I don’t complain. These actions positively impact each other since we communicate our love and respect in more than just words. We hear the meaning in our actions. <3

  2. I don’t know for sure my husband love language. I would lean toward words of affirmation or receiving gifts. gifts are not something I’ll used to Shi I’ve had to work to be creative with gifts. especially when he is deployed I tried to send lots of little gifts.

  3. Tammy Ragland says:

    Please enter me to win! I would love to get the 5 love languages and a military edition. We are in the begging of his fourth deployment (with ten kids ages 23 years to 8 months). I thought after we have gone threw three deployments already that this would be easier, but so far its been ten times harder than the others have been. We sure could use some help getting threw this deployment.

    1. Holy Cannoli, Tammy! Ten kids. What a rockstar. I’m sorry that this deployment is so much harder… I will be praying for you and your entire family. Blessings, my sister.

  4. Nikki Gautreaux says:

    My husband has recently been deployed and is still not home because he was injured overseas and has to have surgery. His love language is quality time, so when we are together I try to put all distractions (such as my cell phone) away and focus on just being with him. He can tell that I truly desire to spend time with him and enjoy his company and I think that makes him feel more loved by me. While deployed, I tried to send him thoughtful gifts that would make things easier for him, because I believe that Acts of Service is his secondary love language. Thank you for this beautiful post. I plan to get this book especially for the post-war integration parts.

    1. Way to hang with it, Nikki. Sending up some prayers for you and the hubs tonight– for peace, healing and continued growth in your marriage.

  5. My husband is Physical Touch and I am Quality Time. So I was worried when he deployed back in March, wondering how we could thrive instead of just survive this. We both have Words of Affirmation as a secondary so that has come in handy with Skype sessions and letters. But I love that they have done a military edition! Can’t wait to read it!

    1. I love that you bring up the point that our secondary languages can pick up some of the slack if our primary languages are hard to speak. The book mentions this same concept. Thanks, Heather!

  6. Holly Carlson says:

    I am the type of person who loves to give gifts to show my love, so I tend to do that. My husband shows his love by acts of service, and words. Neither of us has read the book yet, but we would like to – in fact I just went to a woman’s retreat and had a discussion with a lady about this book. I think understanding each others love language makes a big difference in your marriage. When we do something out of love, we know it is out of love, but the other may not – and understanding that your husband is doing the dishes, not because you are not keeping up the house well enough, but because he loves you, not only stops a fight, but also grows the bond between you. I hope that makes sense to someone else besides me!!

  7. Words of affirmation is one of my husbands love languages, so I try to make an effort to give him honest and positive feedback 🙂 we have read the original 5 love languages book, but as a military family would love to read the military edition as well!

  8. Love language changed this summer with an overseas move in my lap and a husband on deployment! I can’t wait to read the Military Edition!!! Thank you!

    1. I feel ya sister. Mine has changed overtime with life seasons as well. I still yearn for quality time, but with a 7-month-old, acts of service helps to fill my tank since babies seem to be a lot of work 😉

  9. Hello! My spouse’s love language is- without a doubt- acts of service, which is why he ran around doing as much as he could around the house before the tour that he’s on now. He felt it was his duty and he tries to be a very dutiful husband for me. When I clean the house so that it’s spotless that impacts our marriage positively ’cause it helps the home be a place of refuge where his mind can be clear when he sees how clean the house is so he won’t worry about it being messy. And when I show responsibility by caring enough to work and save for our future and help pay my loans from school off it helps my husband feel happy and shows that I’m putting my money where my mouth is when I say that I love him and want the best for our family. Me being more dutiful springs love in my husband’s heart and makes him more loving and more willing to speak my love language of words of affirmation and it also helps him know that I’m here for the long haul because I want to help the family so it makes him know that he can trust me with finances (which he wasn’t able to before) and it even helps him feel safe in the marriage to know that I’m investing in our future. We fought about finances during his last deployment a year ago and I was wasteful with a lot of money, which caused us to come to a very broken place in our marriage and we had to seek counseling with our pastor when he came back so that we could repair our marriage. Well, it helped us a lot so that we’re in a better place in our marriage and my husband wants to work things out now and communicate better. This year he’s on a remote tour for a year without being able to come home for R&R and I’m home alone, so I think this book would be great for me to have so that since we’re not able to go to counseling anymore, I would at least be able to give him the web address where he can read the book for free and it can be something positive for our marriage that we can read together and still grow closer as if we’re having counseling together!

    1. Praise the Lord for the redemption of your marriage, Jasmine… Keep at it girlie and it will sure pay off. Definitely invest in this book either way. Praying this year tour goes quickly for you both!

      1. Thank you for your prayers and I hope so too. God is good. We’re 3 months into it and it’s not going by too slowly. Since I started working a couple of weeks ago that has helped the time go by quicker.

  10. I have read the regular version of this book and have greatly enjoyed learning how to communicate better with my husband through it. I know what my love languages are but I am still trying to figure out what my husband’s is although I know some of his secondary ones, I am lost at figuring out which one is his primary. I am hoping that since my husband is in the military, it might be helpful to read the military version and maybe get some more insight into that aspect. Thanks for your review!

    1. That sounds like a great plan, Judy… Just as a helpful hint, in both the original book and this edition there is an “assessment” in the back of it (one of the guys and one for the gals) that you can each take… Perhaps you can persuade your darling hubs to take the assessment so you can speak his language? It will be a win for you both!

      1. I’m working on it 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂

    2. Kindred Grace says:

      Judy, you get the chance! Watch for an email from Kindred Grace to get your shipping information for the giveaway.

  11. The five languages of love was instrumental to my husband and I staying together through his first deployment and his reintegration. His language of love is definitely quality time. While he’s deployed (currently), I make sure every time we are on the phone I’m only focusing on him. I also take the time to write almost daily and mail packages every week or every other week so he knows I’m always thinking of him. He told me he appreciates the time and detail I put into every package/letter. It is tricky staying on top of it all, especially with school (biochemistry, microbiology, and anatomy eek!), but where you spend your time resonates with your priorities. My God and my husband are respectively #1 and #2. I’d love to have this book to read through this deployment.

    1. You, Kat, are a straight up rockstar! Keep up the awesome job to show your hubs the love… I know that when I did similar things during our deployment, it made me feel connect to my Beloved. Praying for you tonight.

  12. Great view point! I have been waiting to read this! 🙂

  13. He is most blessed and loved by me keeping the house clean and meals ready for him…

  14. This has been on my list since I heard it was coming out. I am a slow reader, so I try not to purchase before finishing a few of the books on my nightstand. I would have to guess what I do to speak my spouse’s love language, since I’ve never read even the original book. I struggle with gift giving, and I fear that is a pot hole in our relationship, but I am aware of it! Anyhow… thanks for the review,Sharita, and I look forward to following your Facebook page. 🙂
    ~ Tia Sunshine

    1. Well, I am a bit biased, Tia, but I vote you grab this book and put it on the top of your nightstand pile 😉 Thanks for following!

  15. This is an amazing article. Thank you for writing it.

  16. Megan Wallace says:

    Your comment (“Dude. His love language is Physical Touch. Mine is Quality Time. How in heaven’s name are we supposed to speak it with an ocean between us?!?”) really hit home with me, although those are my husband’s primary and secondary love languages. We are preparing for another deployment here in the next month and it was killing me trying to find a way to continue to show him I love him from so far away.

    Understanding the love languages makes all the difference in the world in our marriage and with our children. I can assure you that I don’t normally buy into a lot of stuff like this, but it is 100% accurate and necessary! If you cannot tell your spouse you love them in a ‘language’ they understand, they just plain won’t understand.

    So as I mentioned above, my husband’s primary and secondary love languages are physical touch and quality time. I do not naturally speak these languages, let me tell you! (Mine are words of affirmation and acts of service) I make a conscious effort to hold my husband’s hand in the car or while we’re watching tv and to touch my husband’s back or arm when I am standing next to him or as I pass him as we do our normal daily routine taking care of a house and three young boys. I have to think long and hard about making sure I touch him lovingly whenever I get the chance or I would rarely do it. These gentle, non-sexual touches speak volumes to my love about how much I care for him. It has helped immensely in getting me in the practice and allowing me to show love to two of my boys who are also physical touch ‘speakers.’

    I can’t wait to read the wisdom offered in the military-specific book and fire-test it during our upcoming deployment!

    1. You go girl! If there was a “like” button on this comment, I would push it 🙂 You bring up so many great points… And I totally identify with his language being physical touch. Early in our relationship, it was so natural to me because we were a long distance relationship then a deployment. But now that there is a baby in the picture, I really have to pray about and work hard to speak his language. (He LOVES to be scratched… back, arms, legs… It’s intense. HA.) Thanks for the comment, Megan!

    2. Kindred Grace says:

      Megan, you get to read this book! Watch for an email from Kindred Grace so we can get your mailing address.

  17. Marilyn Schacht says:

    After reading the 5 Love Languages, I discovered my husband’s love language is physical touch. It has been very hard to get quality time after his deployment and his bigger enrollment with his new job. Having a three year old boy and one on the way, however I am always reminded that I must speak his love language in order for him to even think about mine. I am still finding it hard when he leaves for drill or leaves on long trips for his job. I would love to read this new military love language book and get new ideas and read what has worked for others. It would be a true blessing.

    1. Oh Marilyn, it IS super hard, but not impossible– especially with this excellent book and Christ guiding you. Hang in there, sister!

  18. My husband is in the Air Force and we have been married for 17 years. We are also high school sweethearts, so 20 years total. We have survived 5 deployments, 4 assignments and two boys so, the love language varies a lot. Recently, I have written random notes on the mirror, sent texts to say that I love him and encouraged him when he felt discouraged about an upcoming promotion. Even though we have been together for a long time, I never feel as if I can learn enough about what to do to keep things going strong. I would love a copy of this book 🙂

    1. Absolutely fantastic, Andrea! Congrats on your almost two decades of wedded bliss and kudos to you for seeking continued growth!

    2. Kindred Grace says:

      You get a copy of this book, Andrea! Watch for an email from Kindred Grace. 🙂

  19. I don’t yet know my spouses Love Language, but would love to win this book and learn what his is, and how to apply it to him. Thank you for this opportunity.

    1. So glad you are reaching out, Anna! Even if you aren’t one of the lucky five drawn to win a copy, I would SO encourage you to swing over to Amazon or your local Christian bookstore and get a copy.

      I know it sounds a little hokey, but it will change your life (and your hubby’s too!) 🙂

  20. Amy Franks says:

    My husband and I took this quiz the day before he come on orders that required him to leave in 2 weeks time. His LL was Acts of Service. I will admit it kind of hurt thinking he rather me do those types of things rater than Touch or Words. I knew that I do all of those things for him naturally but sometimes its hard to keep up with a man who can’t sit still and is constantly starting another project. I have learned that its more than just chores. I try to stay one step ahead of him now that he is deployed. I make sure everything is taken care of around the house, bills, ect. When he gets around to asking me to do something for him I have the pleasure of saying that I already took care of it or its taken care of already for him. I do these things because I love him. My LL was Words of Affirmation and he isnt the best at that and going through a deployment those words mean so much right now and I dont receive as much as I give. I hope this book can help us with that. Not knowing what to say because of fear upsetting the other or making the other feel helpless because the situation is out of our control is hard….thank you for the chance to win this!

    1. Father God, I praise you for Amy’s heart to love her husband and continue to grow their relationship even across the miles. So now Lord, I lift up both Amy and her husband to you… be wildly present in there relationship. Fill up Amy’s love tank while her hubby is away serving, and speak to his heart to show him how to speak her language even amidst the challenge of a deployment. Bless Amy and encourage her as she continues to follow you and serve her husband because of her love of Christ. AMEN.

    2. Kindred Grace says:

      Amy, you’re one of the winners! Watch for an email from Kindred Grace.

  21. I would love a copy of this book. I love the Love language books I’ve read and try to put into practice the one for marriage and for children :)!!! Being a military spouse we have many unique challenges as you know, so thank you soooo much for writing this book!!!!!

    1. Oops forgot my husband’s love language is physical affection.

      1. Thanks for your comment, Tracy– and I love that you mentioned the kids version. I am so looking forward to my little one (she’s currently 7 months) getting old enough for me to speak her language.

  22. I struggle to speak his LL and struggle to remember to accept it when it is directed in a way thats not my LL, when he is here…forget when he is deployed. Super excited that there is now a military edition. Fabulous review…

    1. It’s something that sure takes practice, Melissa– I’ve noticed that the more I speak (and pray about speaking) his LL, the more natural it becomes. Keep at it, sister!

  23. His love language is words of affirmation. When I send him a note, text, or FB post affirming him he feels extremely loved and appreciated. It makes his day and it affirms our marriage.

    1. Isn’t it great how a quick text or note can change someone’s day. My primary LL isn’t words of affirmation, but I still love it when my Beloved occasionally speaks it to me.

  24. Kimberlee says:

    I am so excited to see this book! My husband and I read The 5 Love Languages when we were engaged and we still reference it 13 years later! I am so excited to read the military version and refresh the ideas!
    My husband’s love language is definitely quality time. That is a really difficult one to cater to when he is deployed but I do my best with daily emails and regular packages to let him know that we are thinking of him and keep him connected on what we are doing at home. When he is at home, it can be as simple as sitting on the couch and watching a movie together or taking the kids to the park!
    Thanks for sharing about this book! I can’t wait to read it!

    1. That is super cool, Kimberlee! Love that you read it so long ago and you are keeping at it– excellent. Thanks for stopping by!

  25. Katie gossett says:

    I send random text messages, reminding him of how appreciated as loved he is 🙂

    1. Very creative, Katie– perhaps his love language is words of affirmation? (Or maybe that’s yours 🙂 )

  26. Amber Collins says:

    I have been dieing to read this I have heard so much about the book from a friend.
    My husband will be coming home in January from his 3rd deployment we have been married 4 years and we have been together since I was in the eighth, yea we are high school sweethearts 🙂 We have been through so much together and I wouldn’t change one but of it.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences and your post is amazing!

    1. Wawhoo, come on January!! 🙂 Excited for you to start a new post-deployment relationship chapter, Amber. Thanks for sharing your story… I’m praying for you today!

  27. I’m not sure if Acts of Service is his love language or mine, but as I care for him each day he knows that I love him!!

    1. That’s great, Kirsten. I would highly recommend getting a copy of this book to find out just what your love languages are. I KNOW my hubby loves me, but sometimes when he isn’t speaking my language, my emotional love tank seems to run on empty– then everything seems more difficult (and sometimes Satan can get a foothold in those situations.) Thanks for swinging by and joining the conversation!

  28. Christine Moore says:

    We have been wanting to read the five lve language book but this book would be even better!! We just found out my husband will be deployed soon, our 2nd deployment. We have grown so much in the past few years and need something to help keep that going through this time apart, this may be just what we need. Thanks for the review.

    1. Praying that this book will be an awesome tool for you guys in the coming months. I’m praying for the upcoming deployment, Christine. Jesus has got yo’ back 🙂

  29. My husband is in the Air Force. Both of our top love languages are quality time and physical touch, so when he’s deployed we spend as much time as we can Skyping together, writing letters and sending care packages (me). It doesn’t make up for not being in the same place, but it helps.

    1. Those are all great ideas, Julia. And you are so right– it’s sure not a perfect solution– but that’s where Jesus comes in! (Wink) Appreciate you sharing your experience. Be blessed.

  30. Gina Snuttjer says:

    I am a great housekeeper and that is something that my husband loves and needs in his live. He needs organization when he arrives home from his military job.

    1. That’s wonderful, Gina! I wonder if his primary love language is acts of service? 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

    2. Kindred Grace says:

      Gina, you’re one of our winners! Watch for an email from us.

  31. Olivia Pernula says:

    What things do you do to speak your spouse’s love language? Words of Affirmation
    How does that positively impact your marriage? He is feels like I like him.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Olivia! There are so many ways to speak the Words of Affirmation love language, and fortunately it is one that is relatively easy to adjust in the midst of separated by duty situations. Thanks again for stopping by and be blessed!

  32. Oo, how did I not know about this book?! My husband’s love language is quality time, and he is in the Coast Guard, which means we spend 15 out of every 30 days apart. We make up for it by trying to ensure that the time we do get together is “quality”, not mindless. Hoping I win, and if not I am definitely buying a copy!

    1. Well, good news, Anna– the Military Edition of this book has only been out a month or two, so you aren’t behind. (The original 5 Love Languages book has been around a while, but the military edition is so useful to those of us in a military relationship!)

      And kudos for striving to make your time together quality– so important, regardless of love language!

  33. Mindy Morris says:

    We attended a marriage retreat in Ft. Riley where we used the 5 languages of love. We bith learned so much about each other in our new marriage. I attribute that to how well we communicate today. My hubby is physical touch as well. During all the training and his deployment this last time we also did snail mail. I would send a card a week. I’d always kiss it and spray a little of my perfume on it so he’d have something to feel like I was close.

    1. Great minds think alike, Mindy– Although back when I was sealing letters with a kiss doused in perfume, I wasn’t doing it for his love language– I was really just caught up in the romance (ok, and stress/loneliness) of it all.

      Thanks a million for stopping by– hope things are well in GA and I miss your face! Love and blessings to you!

  34. Paige Todd says:

    Separation due to military life makes it difficult to speak love
    languages. I try to speak all of them to him, though his primary love
    language is physical touch. I write letters/emails daily, send care
    packages monthly with items that are special to us both, talk whenever
    possible, and continually pray for him. All of these things combined
    help us keep our marriage strong against the odds. Thank you for this post.

    1. That is wonderful, Paige. I personally am thankful that there are 5 love languages, not just one or two… because that way we can (sorta) fill in the gaps when it is hard to speak the primary language per a deployment/separated by duty situation.

      Sending up some prayers for you today, sister!

  35. Enter me to win! I love the 5 love languages and a military edition sounds like a great read for us, especially while we are smack dab in the middle of a deployment (with a 9 month old).

    I definitely think my husband’s love language is “Acts of Service.” When he’s at home, he’s always working around the house on projects or helping cook dinner or helping with the baby – always has to be busy with his hands. The benefits to our marriage are pretty obvious – I have a husband who helps with laundry, rakes the yard, helps cook dinner…which makes the “second shift” for me easier and gives us both more time to relax together. Admittedly, it’s a lot harder to do all of that when you are across the ocean!

    1. That is so awesome, Julia! It would be super cool if your primary love language was acts of service as well… While it is kind of rare that both in a couple have the same primary LL, it would be great since it comes to naturally to your Beloved. (And if it’s not your primary, then he would be able to fill your love tank anyways and the laundry/yard raking would be a bonus!)

      I am praying for you and your family– for your baby, this deployment, your heart and your hubby. Cling to Jesus, sister– He’s got this!

  36. My husband’s love language is physical touch so I make a conscious effort to be affectionate toward him when we are physically together. Being military, we can’t express love through physical touch when he is gone, so I’m hoping this book would give me some new ideas!

    1. This book with surely help with that. My hubs is physical touch as well, and we have to get a little bit creative. One of the suggestions they mentioned in the book was to send a snail mail letter literally sealed with a kiss– aka bright lipstick and your fav perfume. Although it might sound cheesy, my hubby sure appreciated those letters during our last deployment.

      Thanks for the comment, friend– and I continue to pray for you and your family 🙂

  37. I don’t need one of those beautiful books, but I did want to drop a note in your inbox and say that this post was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us!

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement, Jessiqua! I so totally appreciate it.
      (PS: Love how you spell your name. So cool!)

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